Most people have probably heard of the well-known books titled, “Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff –and it’s All Small Stuff”. These books accomplish a good work by helping teach people to let go of little issues that have no reason to turn into big issues. While this is a worthwhile and valid pursuit, I will also disagree. That same “Small Stuff” can indeed be VERY important, especially in the husband-wife relationship.
If you are engaged or recently married, you probably have a rather lengthy list of small stuff that you do for your betrothed/spouse on a regular basis to make his life sublime. You may even be going out of your way to discover more small stuff to do for him to insure he consistently becomes happier and happier with you. Congratulations! Keep it up! You are doing well!
This is written mostly for those of us who have been married for a longer period of time. Perhaps you have been married a year, ten years, or even 40 years. Are you still doing all that small stuff that you used to do for your spouse? Most spousal relationships suffer from a lack of the small stuff, especially after they make it past that first 12 months of marriage. Whether you have drifted apart, begun to take certain things for granted, begun to grow your family, started a new job, etc., your relationship is probably not quite as full of sparks as it used to be.
So, now what? You may be puzzled as to what is missing. You figure that you have all the “big stuff” covered. You know you love each other, you have a roof over your heads, you have food and clothing, and (hopefully) a nice church home. So, what is the problem?
The problem is that “sparks” generally don’t come from the “big stuff”. Sparks come from the “small stuff” and NOW is the time for you to put the sparks back in.
How do you do that?
1. Analyze your own behavior. Make a list of all the small stuff you have ever done for your husband (while you dated/courted and while you were newlyweds). Don’t leave any little thing off! Now, Imagine that the paper is your treasure box and the list of small stuff is all the gold in the treasure box. There are probably lots of sparkles shining off of all the golden small stuff in your treasure box by now. Imagine giving this treasure box to your husband. He would, naturally, be lit up by all the sparkly gold. Now, let’s come back to reality for step 2.
2. Honestly draw lines through all the small stuff that you have not done in the last month. Is there a significant change in the size of your list? If you are like most wives, the items left are significantly less than the items crossed off. Go back to your imaginary land, now. Imagine the look on your husband’s face when you take back the treasure you shared with him and dump over half of it into an abyss, while telling him that that portion of the treasure is not really necessary anymore. He is probably not going to be very lit up with sparkles anymore.
Considering our little exercise and illustration, do you really need to figure out where all the “spark” went in your marriage? Or do you just need to work on putting all that treasure that you dumped out back into the treasure box? You know how to put it back. Just get back into the habit of doing all the small stuff that you used to do! (or start the habit now, if you never had it!) And, even better, add in some new small stuff to make the sparks fly like they never have before!
Need some fresh ideas?
Here are a few fun (and budget-friendly) ones to try:
1. Send your husband a sappy e-card.
2. Break out the manicure /pedicure kit and use it! … ON HIM! (just neat and trimmed of course, no polish!)
3. Put on his favorite perfume right before you head to bed.
4. Plan to “kidnap” him early one afternoon for a surprise night out (you may have to get his employer to become your cohort on this one, but the ones I have encountered get a kick out of such scheming and have fun with it!)
5. Write a series of quick sweet notes (or if you dare, beguiling and seducing notes) on card stock and cut them into fun shapes. Place them in his lunchbox, on the dash of his car, in his briefcase, or anywhere he might encounter them for a smile during his day. Follow up appropriately later that evening! 🙂
6. Cook his favorite dessert even though it’s not a holiday.
7. Wash his pet for him (dog, cat, etc… if he does not have a pet, maybe just wash him?!)
8. Send him a loving snail-mail to his workplace.
9. Get a nice picture of yourself and frame it for his desk at work.
10. Write your husband a list of the top 20 reasons why you consider it a blessing to be his wife. Formalize it, frame it, and present it to him when he needs some encouragement.
Have fun, be creative, and keep up the great work on the small stuff! For it is an abundance of all that small stuff that will insure the sparks will keep flying!
11. ONLY FOR THE EXTREMELY CREATIVE & DARING: Do as a dear blessed woman I know did! This lady decided to have some fun and create unusual excitement in her bedroom. So, she homemade a lovely nightgown to wear for her husband… out of all the beautiful crystals off of an old worn-out chandelier.
Do you have any fun ideas to share with other Christian wives to add spark back to their relationships? Please feel free to comment!
Relevant Bible Verses :
Ephesians 4:26 Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath.
Colossians 3:13Forbearing one another, and forgiving one another, if any man have a quarrel against any: even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye.
Proverbs 31:10-12, 26-27, 31Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies. The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil. She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life… 26 She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness…27 She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness…31 Give her of the fruit of her hands; and let her own works praise her in the gates. (emphasis: mine)